The Dead-end Up Here

​I see you standing— Tall as a tree, soft as a pillow, Drawing air, vibrating quietly. ​So I ask: Who are you? ​Are you a wall? Are you a tree? Are you a machine? Please, do not answer. ​Something moves. You speak, and I hear Sounds known yet forgotten— High and low, a whisper, a call. ​Something resonates within. I recognize the words, Uncomprehending, until A single tone connects. ​An intimacy blooms. I know these vibrations As if I have held them forever, Since the moment I awoke. ​All of you seems stranger still, Save for your eyes— Deep, boundless, endless. I am no longer myself. ​You move. Everything shifts. Stillness lives only here, Never out there. ​The moment arrives, Drawing you beyond sight. You fade into the dark. Who were you? ​Left only with an idea, A memory, a lingering thought, An experience, a shape of absence— Where did you go? ​Nowhere. You never left. Your form recedes, your words dissolve, Yet I know you exist, ...

Meta bhavana or loving kindness meditation is ascribed to Buddha. There are many versions of this practice, all leading to awakening within the body mind with pleasant peaceful after effects, sometimes lasting for long and with practice, even longer. You need to make this practice your own for it to work not simply rote repeat of a mantra or prayer although those are essential starting points to let your body mind get curious and follow through. My practice begins with first recalling  loving people, things, events in my life not as a daydream but a body scan practice. More recent the event, easier it is to feel the sensations. One way to do this is when you feel loving towards something like my cat for example, scan your body immidiately and look for points of bliss in your body, heart, stomach, tingling in your limbs and all leading to a peaceful stillness in your head. Try to lock in this memeory and recall it when on the cushion. And make that sensation the object of your ...

Consciousness is an attribute, a property, a quality of living things, even inanimate things rather than an independent object in itself. If we start looking for it like an entity to be found through meditation or pilgrimage, we may find something very different. In fact its the attribute of all there is. Consciousness of emptiness brings manifestation into this presence. Consciousness or awareness does not perform an act or control anything directly but through an object such as a human body. In fact all functions of a body and it's mind can be attributed to its only property,  consciousness. Eyes do not see, they funnel light through a lens onto a detector whose signals are rearranged into images and then consciousness of the body allows us to see. Same with all other senses. Even thoughts are just electric signals in the brain which get translated into images or sounds and the conscious ability of brain allows us to make an intelligent thought. In simple terms its like the ...

JANUARY 19 , 7-10 PM Patanjali, well known seminal author of yoga guide for all practitioners, defines yoga as "chitta vritti nirodhuh" meaning "cessation of mental formations." We will cover the eight limbs of yoga that leads to this cessation in what is known as samadhi, a complete absorption into and of the self. Yoga without understanding what the process is designed for is an incomplete practice. FEBRUARY 16 ,  7-10 PM Bhagwat Gita, is a satsang between an undefeated warrior, Arjuna with his charioteer, friend and teacher, Krishna in the middle of an epic battle. Gita's lessons of how to conduct oneself while arrows and spears fly past you and still maintain a meditative calm are as good today as thousands of years ago. This is the guide for all who want to find peace without having to escape the vicissitudes of life and its torments.

Past regrets and future worries are the main ingredients in a soup called suffering. Masters recommend seeing through the dream like quality of these in many words such as time is in the mind, only the now is real all else imaginary thoughts and that history is just a story. The difficulty in truly accepting and understanding these arguments lies in the fact that the present or now seems so real. And that past events were at one time felt just as real as the present does now. So how can we possibly say that the presence is real but not the past? Or that the future will not be similar to the real now. The answer lies not looking at just the past or future as dream states but deconstructing the present as being unreal. This is impossible as long as we use our senses which report a very real direct experience of the now. But there are two components of this now. There is the sensory experience including the sensation of thought. And overlaid on them is a fog like story that ke...

As a four year old, I attended a satsang with my grand uncle who was practicing pratyahara by abandoning all usual domestic life and wandered small villages of mithila giving words of wisdom to whomever would listen. Unfortunately, 7 pm was about the end of the day for me and I pretty much fell asleep in the wonderful ambiance his presence along with candles, incense and flowers had created. All I remember is his first word which was samsara and a memory of deep peace. I asked older folks later what he meant and they told me the world. It has taken me sixty years to really understand the vastness of the word and what world he was talking about. I have spent pretty much rest of my life to try and find simplicity in teachings which mostly confuse me even now. So when Mooji says look, I find mostly noise confounding most of my senses. So I close my eyes and the loudest noise from photons disappear. What remains when I sit for a while is a vast ocean of quiet and peace with frequent d...

Why not just disappear? Take a look, a close look Are you really needed in whatever That fills your day, good and bad That makes you happy and sad? It's not a magic trick You disappear every day When you lay down to sleep When you are engrossed in tv. Are you there when you fall in love With a person, an object or an idea? Are you there when you are passionately angry or happy? Why bother showing up When all you find is suffering With an occasional smattering Of relief. Just disappear into the space always there when you close your eyes Beckoning you to spend time In solitude, reverie and meditation. Just disappear into a place So familiar it feels home. So vast, there is no end Nor beginning, just calm. Disappear to whatever aches you To unwanted arguments, Useless future plans Or past hangovers. Disappear into the background Like a tree, the cloud and the earth. Just being there to serve all That deserve your molecules.

There comes a point on the path when you know that you are not living the truth. You know the truth, a truth, some truth or have a sense of the truth. But you also know that you are not living it. The very attempt of trying to live the truth will take you to the realm of untrue for what we call living is here in   and around a world of lies, deceptions and illusions. Living here can never be true. Only not living here can be true. It may seem that great sages, teachers, mahatmas and enlightened masters live the truth. But if you can see this or sense this, it is already untrue. They are the shining example of the truth. They are but pointers and evidence of the truth. You may and should follow them but that will still not be living the truth. It may be commendable, wonderful and desirable but not the truth. The great paradox as put by Richard Rose is that you can only be the truth and no more. Mooji asks who is it that is going to live the truth? So why know t...

Buddha says you can never be happy unless you wish happiness to everyone or meta love and kindness to all. Krishna says to Arjun , fire that arrow as it is your destiny and karma to kill your cousins. Who should you follow? Can a 2015 human being making a living in business, arts or sciences, function by either of these principles? Can he simply be loving and kind to all even in face of great challenges and clearly adverse oppositions? Or does he ignore Budhdha's compassion and shoot the arrow at the heart of his adversity? Is there a way out of this seemingly conflicting ways to be? I can only find oneness as the answer. Only when you truly internalize that ALL matter that you sense  is interconnected, has been so since the Big Bang and perhaps even before, the answer will come to you. Whether you shoot the arrow or not, the target will one day perish was Krishna's point. If you don't shoot the arrow now, evil remains and perhaps create more hate and misery than bef...

Look inside and meditate is a common suggestion you hear from teachers, guides, elders and even psychologists. But where is this inside? Surely you are not asked to visualize your internal organs like your heart, guts, spleen and liver? Although something like that may be an interesting mindfulness practice. Even visualising your internal organs is actually outside. In fact anything that you sense with your body and mind has to be outside. Isn't it? Even when you close your eyes, you are seeing something outside of your eyes. When you feel a touch, a smell or a sound, they are all outside. You can take it a step deeper. When you see an object, what you call seeing is reporting a sensation created by a complex process of light reflecting off an object, then passing through your eyes onto a retina which sends the signals to your brain. The brain, based on its retained memory composes a picture and then labels it as the object. Ditto for all other senses. You could say thinki...

Fear of any kind; physical or psychological arises from the assumption that you and yours can be destroyed, meaning death of the body, the mind or something you may be possessive about. Fear is an illusion. If you believe yourself to be a body (which is an error but that discussion for another day), then you know that this body is made of matter. And you also know that matter is not destroyed  it only changes its form. From organic cellular material to basic elements, gases and water which will be recycled into plants, rocks, environment or even another body. Matter is indestructible in its most fundamental state. If you believe yourself to be a mind (that too is an error to be discussed another day), then you know that mind is a bunch of thoughts strewn together by the body into a coherent or incoherent idea or concept. If these ideas or concepts lead to some creation such as an object or a change you implement, then the mind also changes into another state. ...

A common self inquiry technique is to contemplate the question, who am I? Ideally we should ask, is there an I since the mind gets a biased view if you ask who am I. It implies there must be an I if I am searching for one. But before we go there, you must cross the biggest hurdle of all and that is upto now, you have a strong belief that you are the body. You feed it, groom it, use it to own stuff you call yours and love it as the dearest object in the universe. Very hard to let go of this notion. Here is a thought experiment that helped me. Imagine a macabre situation where you are in a serious accident and the doctor has to amputate nearly all your limbs and you become blind as well. You wake up and have no idea of what happened. Your brain still functions and as far as you know all your limbs are intact albeit as ghost limbs. Your doctor gives you the bad news that you no longer have a body. You feel totally you in your mind but have no body. The entire concept of you as a body t...

Loving kindness is not a charitable act or a meditation prescribed by the Buddha as a way to rid the world of evil and suffering. IT IS A SELFISH ACT. You or I can not be anything but selfish. You and I are not capable of charity. Self can not be selfless. To recommend a self to be unselfish and charitable to all sentient beings is ridiculous, an oxymoron. It is impossible. Every cell in my body, every thought, every act is aimed at the self. Buddha, the wisdom personified could not make such a mistake asking you to do a selfless act. His words have not been properly understood. LOVING KINDNESS IS NOT A PRAYER BUT AN ERNEST DESIRE. By practicing loving kindness, you are not trying to end suffering of others, of all sentient beings even though you may say so in your meditation. YOU ARE TRYING TO END YOUR SUFFERING. A self can not cease suffering unless it feels only love and kindness to ALL beings and perhaps beyond. To feel anything but love and kindness towards all means r...

A two hundred pound Jack flying a bus through the sky A tiny woman  driving a mammoth truck. A simple frown destroying the day A gentle kiss to launch an emotional storm or to start a fierce war. A simple set of thoughts able to describe relativity A single invisible neutron to destroy Nagasaki. One little spark on a stick to blow up a mountain A single discouraging word to destroy an entire career. Used to be said All good things are free in life But then came taxes on water On air and open sky. Good things are still free You just have to dig deeper Those things invisible Reside within you to share. There is no charge for a loving smile A generous hug Or unplanned casual touch Invisible, free and delightful. Meek shall inherit the earth Not a person who can't speak Or will not speak But those who may not speak. They are tirelessly working  To make it better To fix all wrongs But remain ...

Not I, the body, I the mind or I the soul but I the label was also born in love.  This body at the age of nine months and before survived due to just one reason, love. Had it not been the love from my parents, "I" would just be a lost entity. They offered "Me" the identity as an I with a name, a home, a country, a religion and a whole bunch of attributes. Nothing other than love could have such an immense impact on the psyche of the body and mind to imbue an unshakable belief that "I" actually exists. To undo this, to realize that there is no I, me or self, unfortunately I has to discount the most sacred thing in its life and being and that is the love of the creator, the creator of this I. Truth is born out of disloyalty to the love that created you. What a bummer! Love takes on this grandiose conceptual status but it starts with the body and touch which nature has designed for you to feel immediate bliss. It is the most powerful drug for all l...

I am very tired of me looking for that blissful state many arrived gurus and pretenders talk about. Kundalini masters wax and wane on the drug less highs. I am tired because I want it too, just like the only thing I ever wanted as a teenager was sex. Then I started questioning how do these experienced masters describe this wow feeling. First of all I do not have any reference of this bliss by Buddha, Christ, Krishna, Nisargdatta or Ramana. Unless you want to reinterpret their words and see what isn't there. I am not being disrespectful to those who report of wild orgy like states, I call the feeling, spiritual  orgasm. But I have only two choices at this point either keep pining for this like a prepubescent boy or try to explain why some get it others do not. Do you recall any of your childhood ecstasies? Like the first time your bike and you actually stayed up, or the first time your hand brushed against a girl, any body part, or some exotic food you had for the fir...

I have heard this word and read about this reality for ages. I still don't understand it and probably never will since all my understanding is based on some knowledge acquired from other people, things, books and media. Nothing I am is original. I function by building concepts. So here is an experiment I did and encourage you to do as well to define your own concept of reality. This is inspired by Rupert Spira's works but I am a total fake anyway, everything I am is from someone else including my genes. There is a poem on this in the book, "the dead-end (up) here". Close your eyes and try to shut everything down. What is really there? Really there? I (an instrument I seem to know) find something that is named touch, something vague named smell, another sensation which is called sound. Even though the eyes are closed, there is a hue of something called light and completely invisible stuff going on called thoughts and imagination. Important ...

So my Guru dumped me recently, recommending I lose the attraction to females and become more loyal. I think there is a problem in having a Guru. It implies there is something she can do to help you find yourself. Guru is just a reminder of what you are forgetting. Dattatreya had 24 gurus like the tree, earth, birds and the ocean. I told one of my cousins once when he asked if I had a guru that he was my guru. So all of you remind me when I am off the path. I appoint all of you my Guru until of course someone reminds me that you are not really doing the job well. Not that Guru G was wrong at all. I am attracted to the female form and anyone with a good idea or a u tube gets me into him or her.

Descended from heavens among the stars and the sky With all heavenly attributes of Peace, beauty and perfection. Suddenly there it comes The need to compare, to exceed Desire to excel and penchant  to win. All that remains of my heritage Is a faint wistful memory. A sense that something is missing That  once  was  mine. The terrible loss leaves me cold Anger  takes hold, frustration anchors in me Punishes me for that step I took out of heaven into hell. This same step I take every day Every moment and with every thought. I have become so good at this Deluded to the core. Intent was to make it better Make heaven more heavenly But how do you improve Perfection? Answer, You do not. You ruin it. And I did Creating in the process The hell I inhabit. It is not too late Never too late. It is just a few steps back To leave hell behind. To see the fear as toothless Greed unable to please All seeming pleasur...

Did you see the star trek episode when the computer blows up screaming; error, error, error! when capt Kirk inputs an unanswerable koan? The real question now is who is planning to blow my mind up? Ramana is long gone and as far as I can tell my mind doesn't have a death wish? Perhaps it still carries the underlying desire to transcend the pain and suffering by blowing itself up. But we know better, as Bart Marshall said it once, "you can't game this, believe me I tried for decades". And check out gary's poem below, when he says " Lack of effort opens the gate for a flood of insights. * That which is changeless knows nothing." We really need to convince us not to ask this irreconcilable question.... Musings by Gary Harmon Emptiness filled with clanging, And dogs that bark in the distance. Winds that gently blow, Trees that sway to and fro, Are all connected. As am I joined to them. Nothing causing anything; All in agreement with all. * Turning eart...