The Dead-end Up Here

Looking for a gold brick Under the bed, in the closet But I know I know for sure I have no gold anywhere. I keep looking For happiness everywhere Glimpses I get as love As beauty as serenity . Just have to look harder Smarter deeper and wider Within and without I know I know its there. Happy I am when in love Happy I am in beauty In kindness and in peace In deep sleep when I is absent. Objects come and go But their subtle sensation Lingers me happy as me. I know I know its there. I confuse what body wants As my only desire Not for what it is A  pebble in stillness.

I asked chatGPT to comment on  Cause of inflated ego is often ignorance And she said, “While it is true that ignorance can sometimes contribute to an inflated ego , it is not accurate to say that it is the sole cause. Inflated ego can stem from a variety of factors, including childhood experiences , cultural and societal influences , and individual personality traits . That being said, ignorance can certainly contribute to an inflated ego. When we are ignorant about something, we may overestimate our own knowledge or abilities, leading us to become overly confident or arrogant. This can cause us to overlook the perspectives and expertise of others, which can further reinforce our own inflated sense of self. In addition, ego and ignorance can also feed into each other in a vicious cycle. An inflated ego can prevent us from admitting our own ignorance, leading us to defend our beliefs or opinions even when they are not based on facts or evidence. This, in turn, can reinforce our own...

Ego is ignorance.  Last weekend I spent some time at a nearby zen centre , the retreat by the way was incredibly authentic and perhaps transformative for some. One of the things you have to do, like in Karate Kid , is chores. Not hours but just 15 minutes. They were kind to me and assigned me dusting. I don’t remember doing that, never during my bachelor years (neither did any one I know) and after that my wife handled that somehow. I do recall painting the outside windows once. Any way, I digress.  So I did an okay job but the effect it had on me was unbelievable. I reacted to it emotionally as if I had been insulted. I sat with that feeling during my next sit and quite clearly see that most of my egoic acts have been due to ignorance about the micro or macro of the situation. Either I had read the situation completely wrong at the first or second derivative level. And this was true of the dusting incident here but pretty much everything I could recall.  I named this EGO...

One day Siddhartha , the Buddha -to-be, felt that he was about to have a breakthrough. Meditating under a beautiful pippala tree , he had the sense that sometime that night he would realize full enlightenment and become a Buddha. Suddenly, Mara appeared. Mara sometimes appears as doubt, sometimes as anger, darkness, jealousy, craving, or despair. When we feel doubtful or skeptical, he is there. When we feel angry, irritated, or lacking in self-confidence, that is Mara. Siddhartha had been visited by Mara many times before, and he knew that the best way to treat him was to be very gentle. That day Mara came in the form of skepticism. He said, "Who do you think you are? Do you think you can attain great enlightenment ? -- Don't you realize how much darkness, despair, and confusion there is in the world? How can you hope to dissipate all of it?" Siddhartha smiled, expressing great confidence. Mara continued, "I know you have practiced, but have you practiced enough? W...

Imagine you hold a banana in your hand. What is the experience? Yellow colour, smooth texture, a fragrant and sweet taste when you peel and bite into it. What is a real banana?  What is a book, what is a mountain , what is a cup or what is a computer?   Zen says they are names given by the mind, to a range of sensations and thoughts in response. Zen says that these forms are empty of independent existence . Meaning they can be traced back through interconnections to a place where we end up saying I don’t know. We experience the apparent final form in our minds.   Physics also says that dancing and interacting  quantum fields are the only fundamental reality, not the final form of stuff we see, feel or name. Zen says that thoughts and emotions are similarly empty.  Imagine a suffering thought. Most likely the suffering event is not happening at this moment. Your mind weaves various thoughts into a composite called anger, fear, jealousy, etc. These th...

What follows is the story of a listless life looking for the next shiny thing. Something has always been missing. I have trouble relating to a particular culture, a country, a colour, finding them restraining. Always had a great deal of sadness about why humanity can’t get it together. The Rolling Stones’ song said it best, “ I can’t get no, satisfaction”. Yep, I grew up in the sixties. By turn of the last century , I realised that my life path would never give me that satisfaction. My children had grown up, were at university, leaving quite a bit of time with little to do. I was quite involved in their lives, sports, bands, education until high school. Pouring myself more into growing my business, climbing the material ladder just didn’t interest me. At one point I considered changing my career yet again perhaps into Philosophy or Sanskrit. But that idea seemed fruitless. Fortunately, by then I was financially well enough to “drop out”. Empty stomach interferes a lot in the spi...

 Avatars are quite often misunderstood as a return of same you in another form , a reincarnation of some sort. Vedas do not see it that way. All of our bodies and minds are avatars of the one and the same self. I the self want to see this incredible creation in 7.5 billion ways and more, each with exquisite details and beauty. Had I the body and mental make up of Rapha, I would be a tennis star or had I the misfortune of having the body and mind of a peasant on the village farms of Patsa, I would be experiencing life and it’s hardships. It is not a matter of choice, it has to be that way, because I want to experience love in as many ways as possible. Even in one avatar I spend my entire life experimenting ways to experience this love. Perhaps you now can see the custom of thousands of gods worshipped by modern Hindus. Each prayer is my prayer to transform my body mind to that of another avatar. I want to experience this creation as a Kali or Gandhi depending upon what body I am wea...